Fake Regina
by CallMeAddicted
Summary: Swan Queen Week: Day 1 - Meet Cute AU Emma's disastrous blind date with a Regina imposter


"You know, Ruby, when I said I was free to hang out tonight I was under the impression that I'd be hanging out with you!" Emma growled into the phone.

At around 4pm, Emma had just woken from a deep sleep. Working night shifts into the morning had her on a nocturnal schedule. Being off tonight, she'd promised her adopted sister a night out on the town. They hadn't gotten a chance to let loose lately and this evening, while they were both free at the same time for once, provided a perfect opportunity.

The brunette yells through the phone, "Emma you have no life! I'm just trying to help you! It's just one date. One more date and I promise you I will never set you up again… please? Even Granny likes her, and you know Granny doesn't like any of my friends."

"Last time I listened to you and accepted a blind date, I got stuck in fucking Staten Island with Lacey," she spits out the name disdainfully. "That bitch was bat shit crazy! God, it was such a bad night." The blonde's face contorts with memories of the hellish evening spent with Ruby's high-octane friend.

"No, see this one's so different from my other friends. You'll like her, I swear. She's gorgeous, dark hair, pretty eyes… She's got a bit of attitude, but that's a good thing, right? You don't want some woman who lets you walk all over her. She's so your type, Emma."

"What's her name?"

"Regina."

"And Granny's met her?"

"Yes. Loves her. Not so much, at first, but they grew on each other."

Pacing about her kitchen, Emma thinks it through. On one hand, what's the worst that could happen? She'd already been to hell and back that night with Lacey. So what are the odds that would happen again with another one of Ruby's weird-ass friends? But on the other hand, if Granny liked her…

"What the hell, fine."

Ruby's shriek on the other end served to awaken the blonde more fully and she realized how late in the day it was to be preparing for a night out. "What am I even going to wear? Where did you tell her to meet me? What's she going to wear?"

"I told her to meet you at the bar of that restaurant you like, La Scala. Not really sure what she'll wear, but knowing Regina, it will be hot. And if I had to pick out your outfit, I'd go with dressy casual, not too eager, but something that highlights your appeal."

"Okay, like maybe some jeans, a cute top, and my red lea-"

"No! Do not wear that red leather atrocity! I said wear something that highlights you appeal, not your bad choices from the 90's that stuck around."

Offended, Emma pouts into the phone. "Well then what do you suggest?"

"Oh, wear those black skinny jeans with the black suede knee-high boots. The heel makes your ass look great and I'd maybe pair it with a white cami and that gray blazer I bought you."

"I see you've thought this through…"

"Yeah well, I know you. And I know your wardrobe. And that outfit screams 'sexy-soft-butch-with-great-taste-in-clothes-and-a-slightly-feminine-side-even-though-I-don't-always-show-it.' And that's pretty much Regina's type."

"Any other instructions, dear sister?" Emma snarks.

"Nope. Oh, yeah, do your hair in that side-sweep ponytail. It looks good on you."

"So how will I know it's her?"

"Like I said, gorgeous brown eyes, dark hair, about shoulder length, sitting at the bar. I don't have a picture of her to send you, but I gave her one of you, so she'll know who to look for."

Emma takes a deep breath and mentally prepares for the evening. "I'll murder you in your sleep is this turns out to be another Lacey situation."

"Don't be so dramatic, Em. You survived, and with a great story to tell. Now please go get ready. You'll make a bad impression on Regina if you're late."

* * *

><p>It was 7:25 sharp when Emma arrived at La Scala. She figured she'd be the first one there and maybe that would give her a moment to collect herself before her date arrived. But as Emma walked over to the rendezvous point, the irksome voice of the brunette woman sitting at the bar sent a bolt of electricity right down her spine – and not in a good way.<p>

"What the hell is this bullshit you call a drink!? I can't hardly taste the alcohol, boo boo. You need to put some more of that 151 up in this bitch 'cuz I didn't pay for no weak ass drink!"

Emma was mortified, on this woman's behalf, of the trash talk coming out of her mouth. And make no mistake, Emma was far from bourgeoisie herself, but there was one thing you'd never be able to call her – trashy. 'What the hell was fucking Ruby thinking?' she agonized to herself. 'And more importantly, what the hell is that woman wearing?'

As the blonde approached the bar slowly, she made eye contact with the bartender and smiled a tight, sympathetic smile – the woman at the bar relentless in her uncouth and tactless comments directed at him. Her feet moved slowly, as they knew they were leading toward a night of torturous, forced conversation and fake laughter. And seriously, no one over the age of fourteen should be allowed to leave their home looking like they raided Ke$ha's discarded wardrobe. As Emma approached the shoulder-length haired brunette, she thought of creative ways to murder Ruby in her sleep.

She cleared her throat, "Um, hi. Are you Regina?"

The woman turned in her seat and looked her up and down, seemingly liking what she saw. "Yeah, I'm Regina. And you are?"

"I'm Emma. I'm sorry if I'm late; Ruby told me to be here 7:30. But I guess maybe she told you earlier. Anyway, I'm sorry if you waited a long time."

Some kind of warning chimed in Emma's head as the other woman, for just a second, looked as if she had no clue what they were talking about.

"Oh, no! It's okay. I just wanted to get here a little early, you know, get my drink on!" she laughs and raises her glass to her lips, taking a long swig of the potent cocktail.

"Okay, then." Emma motions to the bartender. "Jameson and ginger, please?" She looks back at her companion, who's just about finished her drink. "So, Regina… how do you know my sister?"

"Your sister?"

"Yeah, Ruby. I didn't get a chance to talk to her about you much. How do you two know each other?"

The bartender comes back with her drink and Emma takes $20 from her clutch. She pushes the bill over to him and mouths 'Keep it.' He nods his head in thanks.

Her date had been eying her money as she paid the man and that had not gone unnoticed by the blonde.

* * *

><p>Just inside the restaurant doors, a brunette in a curve-hugging little black dress searches the depths of her purse for her phone. She finally reaches the device and pulls it out, checking the time.<p>

'I'm not horribly late,' she thinks. It was only 7:40 at this point. Normally she'd take lateness as a sign of disinterest, but in her own defense, it was truly unavoidable. She hadn't anticipated her young son tripping on his own shoe laces and consequently tossing a bowl of Spaghetti-O's into the air, landing on her dress.

Ruby had earlier sent her a photo of her sister, Emma. So the brunette scrolls to her photo gallery and opens the image of the blonde.

Scanning the restaurant, she locates the bar area. There are two women at the bar, drinking and apparently well acquainted. One of those two women definitely matches the photo of her date.

* * *

><p>"Care to buy a girl a third round?" the woman touches Emma's arm flirtatiously (though not at all subtly).<p>

"Maybe once I catch up to you?" Emma stalls, not really wanting to spend any money on this woman. "So, Ruby… How do you know her?"

"Oh, we go way back. I'm a friend of a friend – from…college."

"Oh, so you went to B.C. together?"

"Oh, yeah. Those were the days. Sometimes I wish we could go back in time and live it all over again… Before our little group lost touch, we are all so close."

* * *

><p>Infuriated, the "real" Regina turns on her heel and storms out of the restaurant.<p>

'Who does that – goes on a date and has the indecency to flirt with someone else while waiting for said date to arrive?'

Oh yeah, Regina was furious. The time, the effort, the preparation – all for nothing. She'd heard such good things about this Emma from both Ruby and Granny. She was actually looking forward to their date. It had been a while since Regina was with anyone serious and she was ready to get back out there and give dating another try.

Approaching her car on the street, Regina reaches into her purse for her keys, but comes up empty. She thinks back to when she'd last seen them. She was fussing around trying to find her phone at the bottom of the bag – she knew she had seen them at that point, which means she must have dropped them in the restaurant. She'd have to go back in.

* * *

><p>'Lie.' Emma had this "fake" Regina busted. Ruby didn't attend Boston College. Ruby didn't attend college at all. Her first thought was to call this psycho on her bullshit story. But honestly, it wasn't even worth it. Who knew how crazy this woman was or how she was liable to react to be being caught in a scam. For all Emma knew, the crazy woman had a team of thugs hiding out back waiting to rob whatever innocent victim she brought them tonight. So she did what any experienced blind-dater would do.<p>

"I'm sorry, can you hang on a moment. I think I'm getting a call…" Emma takes her phone from her purse. "Hello… hold on, slow down Granny. Just tell me what's going on… Oh, my God… Okay, stay right there! I'll be there soon!"

The woman at the bar looks confused as all hell, but does Emma care? Nope. "I have to go! I'm so sorry; my Granny needs me!"

* * *

><p>Emma's heels were certainly not made for running, but that's just what they're doing. In fact, she doesn't even realize she's on a collision course with another oblivious pedestrian. She glances back to make sure the crazy woman hasn't followed her out and the second she turns her head back forward, she slams right into a woman in her path.<p>

"Oh, my God! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Emma apologizes profusely to the woman as she helps her up off the sidewalk. The blonde takes note of the scrapes on the other woman's hands before looking up to see her victim.

"Ow, don't touch me!" the brunette pulls her gravelly hands from Emma's grip. "What the hell is the matter with you, Emma?"

"Really, I'm so sorry. I was trying to get away from – wait… You called me Emma. Do I know you?"

It doesn't take long before the blonde puts two and two together. Dark, shoulder length hair, gorgeous brown eyes – this is the "real" Regina. "You're Regina, right?"

"Yes. And now that we've officially met, good night."

As she moves to step around Emma, her path is blocked. "Whoa, wait a second. Come on! I know we just got off to a bad start. But please, let me try to make it up to you? I really didn't see you walking there. I was just caught up."

"Caught up in what? Trying to make a fast getaway before I arrived? Or did you simply lose interest in your little dalliance at the bar – decided to cut your losses and leave?"

"My what?" Realization dawns on Emma, "Oh! You were here earlier? You saw that?"

"Yes; I arrived – only ten minutes late, mind you – and witnessed the terrible flirting going on between you and that… trollop! And to think, I was actually anticipating this evening after the way Ruby and Granny spoke so highly of you, only to get here and see you biding your time by trifling with someone else!"

Regina tries again to walk away, but Emma grabs her arm to keep her from leaving.

"No, please let me explain? I wasn't 'biding my time.' I thought she was you."

"That doesn't make any sense to me. How could you think she was me?"

"Ruby didn't send me any pictures of you. So when I got here, she was sitting at the bar, as was planned. And the only description I had to go on was shoulder-length hair and pretty, brown eyes. And had those things, so I went and introduced myself and asked if she was Regina… she said yes."

The brunette looks at Emma like she has eight heads. But she thinks the story through and it sounds plausible. "And you were running away from her, why?"

"She was awful! I really thought my sister set me up with another terrible blind date; I was already scheming how to kill Ruby in her sleep for doing that to me again!"

Emma waits expectantly for Regina to relax a little and accept her explanation. The reaction she receives is a bit unsettling.

Regina laughs hysterically, "You were really frightened by her, weren't you?"

"She was ratchet, Regina! I started thinking, 'Is this the best Ruby thinks I can do?'"

They share a laugh and Emma notices how her heart squirms in her chest at the other woman's gleeful expression. She reaches down and takes Regina's hands in her own. "How about we start over? Maybe after we get you cleaned up, we can grab some hot chocolate and walk for a bit?"

"I'd like that, Emma. But I seem to have misplaced my keys. I'm pretty sure I dropped them in the restaurant. I just need to go back in and find them." Regina starts to walk toward the eatery but stops when she realizes her date is not following.

Emma clears her throat and bites her lip shyly, "I'll be out here waiting for you. I, uh, can't go back in there…"

Laughing at the ridiculousness that is this evening, "real" Regina nods her understanding and walks away, off to find her missing keys.


End file.
